Teshuvah Reflections

Teshuvah means both return and repentance, or perhaps return to Yahweh by means of repentance: making a serious examination of our past shortcomings and making efforts to improve, especially to improve our relationships with Yahweh, others, and ourselves.

During the month of Elul we have had the special opportunity to examine ourselves and return to a closer relationship with our Maker: to heal all our relationships by making necessary apologies or restitution, and to appreciate the relief that can come from getting rid of whatever it was we wanted to leave behind us when we cast our bread crumbs or pebbles into the Bay at tashlich.

But really, the opportunity to return to Yahweh is always ours. As our Yom Kippur prayerbook says, "Let us not blaspheme the Most High, by saying that there ever comes a time when sincere prayer is not heard, when sincere repentance is turned away. But if we cannot find prayer and repentance on this Day of Repentance, if we cannot make a start towards peace and wholeness before the sun sets on this one Day of Peace, then when shall repentance come?"

Teshuvah begins when we realize our need to act. If we sense that the distance between us and Yahweh has increased, He is not the one who has moved; we have.

On the bright side, to return to Yahweh does not require a vast journey. Towards the end of Deuteronomy, Moses talks of a time when the Israelites have turned away from their Elohim and been banished from the Holy Land, and the people "return to Yahweh your Elohim, and you and your children heed His command with all your heart and soul, just as I enjoin upon you this day, then Yahweh your Elohim will restore your fortunes and take you back in love." And to perform this return is "not too baffling for you, nor is it beyond reach. ... It is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it."

In fact, Yahweh will help us to return. At the end of the Torah service, we pray, "Hashiveinu Yahweh eilecha v'nashuvah." "Return us to you, O Yahweh, and we shall return."

Teshuvah is in our mouth and in our hearts: An examination of our hearts, to see where our distance from Yahweh is causing pain, to us and to those around us; then using our mouths to make apologies to those we've harmed and to Yahweh for our failures, and then making a renewed effort to live our lives as children of our heavenly Father. It can help us in this effort to remember that we were created in the image and likeness of Elohim, and that we have in us a “yetzer tov,” an urge towards doing good, in addition to the "yetzer hara," the urge towards evil.

Making teshuvah is a bit like doing meditation: we try to focus on a word or image, or our breath, and our busy minds continually present us with other thoughts and images and sensations. However, we don't stop meditating when our minds do that. We simply notice that we've lost our focus, and we gently and kindly return our attention to that focus. This practice strengthens our spirit and our ability to keep our minds from going places that will do us no good. When we're trying to return to Yahweh, and we notice that we've swerved away from Yahweh and towards something that is, as the Buddhists would say, less skillful, we don't give up on teshuvah. We simply notice that we've turned in the wrong direction and gently turn ourselves back towards Yahweh.

And so I'd like to end with a prayer that I wrote about our continuing efforts towards teshuvah:

In the Divine image You created us, Yahweh. We strive to measure up to that image, and we fail, and then we get up and strive again. Please teach us that we grow closer to Your image every time we get up again, and give us joy in that knowledge. Blessed are You, Yahweh, who lifts up the fallen.